facing a new challenge

I never know what happening
Maybe can said im not sensitive enough
I just a beginner of this game
I don’t know what should I do now
Im lost in direction

Somebody can guide me?
I hate the situation for being like this

The game just about to start
Can I said I reject to join the game?
The game is so tiring, painful and ugly
But the reality already force me to join the game

Without any notifications I join the game
I don’t know what is my position in this game
Or I just need join and be an outsider
Or I must do something before people come to hurt you again

Sometimes when they hurt you much
yoU only will awake
But there is too pain to hurt by people everytimes
Why we should always stand by for hurt?

Am I will need to change my personality to play this game?
Maybe I will need to do so
If not I will be hard to survive in this game

But the changes I made will not be a good thing
Or maybe will become a bad thing
I cant tell that is a good or bad
Im the one who change but I cant decide how would I will change with the situation

From time to time
I will change according to the situation that I saw I know

Maybe my personality really change a lot
Is this is a good thing to be change?
Or it will become worst?

I know I have got the power to decide everything by myself
But now I feel so lazy so tired to distinguish what will happen the next
And I just to let it be
And I also let myself change with the situation
I never try to control myself
But I will not let the situation become worse

i will need to control myself from being worse...